Second, and most important, of all, the meaning of the word has been redefined and re-experienced through my last couple of years in many different ways.
Per definition: closure - the act of closing or the state of being closed
As already mentioned multiple times on this site, I have a lot of thoughts going on in my mind, sometimes even fighting against each other about the determination of right and wrong. What should I spend my braincells on, what shouldn't I, does it change anything if I do, and would it change anything if I actually didn't. The last thought in particular.
I'm 20 years old, and have lived a great childhood with both my parents, sister, brother, friends and myself. When I think back on the older days, I can't seem to find any scenarios that needed closure from my side. I guess some battles were fought, but today they simply dont seem that memorable or of importance.
I'm still young and with lack of knowledge about who I am as a complete person. It's an adventure to find yourself, and I'm happy that I can still surprise myself with ways of acting and thinking in specific situations. But these last couple of months I feel like I've had to create closure in multiple situations. It makes me feel grown up and proud of myself, that I suddenly have to be selective in letting things go or simply accepting the way they went.
This is not a diary, which means I won't mention the specific situations. I wanna talk about the themes, and hope that you can relate to them.
- Happiness for the people you love the most. The ones I've grown up with, who's taught me about love, forgiveness and what it means to pursue happiness; these people have through the last couple of months changed the terms for themselves - what it needs for them to regain these qualities. My thoughts have been put to a test in a battle between my own past - how my security and happiness was created, against how I want my nearest to feel that love and security as well. Fall in love again, feel comfortable, be themselves for the fullest and focus on their own happiness as the goal. I'm so happy that I can finally say my own kind of closure is completely present.
- Choosing your path to happiness, and only one path at a time. To be safe and sound combined with routines - an every day with tendencies to form a pattern, has never really been my definition of being happy. I could, in a dream scenario, have all the materialistic goals I wanted, be with THE person I wanted and live this way for eternity, but I wouldn't be completely happy. My happiness has always come in a form of being open to the new paths. If something, or someone, stands in the way of this, it brings me sadness and a step away from the possible happiness I might already be in. I guess I will never sit, leaned back in a chair, looking out on the horizon and think "I'm as happy as I can be". But my closure comes in accepting that I AM only 20, and that I don't need to invent a perfect life for myself right now. I just need to feel good, and right, about who I love and what I do. Time will show me when, and if, I need to change that.
- Giving up on things you can't have at the same time. With the word closure, comes also the word beginnings. The unexplored and new has always been the most interesting for me; new countries to visit, new sensory experiences, new people to meet and greet. Some people I let come to close in ways they shouldn't, because they could, if it was okay. But it isn't okay - not always. Sometimes letting people into your life, might hurt other people. Clashing. But we don't wanna limit ourselves, and we don't wanna say goodbye to something that might turn out even better than what we already had, would we? This is where my closure kicks in! Everybody wants the best for themselves, but true happiness comes in being happy with what you already love and own - not what you could achieve other places. The grass is always greener on the other site, but that's green bullshit.
I do not forbid myself from dreaming and thinking new thoughts, with new possible changes of heart and soul. But closure is my art of telling myself, that where I am is the place I want to be. If I didn't feel happy, I would know it was the time to change one of the gears in the machine. But right now, I am happy. Thinking about achieving happiness through other scenarios, isn't important, and it's especially not necessary in an age of 20, young, wild, free and thinking.
To create closure and give it to yourself is, for me, telling yourself to "choose your battles". My flaws are the tools to work my mind out, and to bring a wide smile to my mouth.
I think sometimes peopler require the satisfaction of closure. - Diablo Cody
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